Loving and supporting someone, and fixing their problems for them are two very different things.
As much as you want to swoop in and take away their pain, keep them from continuing on their destructive path and help them back on their feet, as a part of their support system it’s not exactly what they need from you. I know that can be hard to hear… especially for all you moms of grown children out there.
Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. Though you may have a friend or loved one going through a tough time, you can’t fix their troubles for them. They are the only ones who have the ability to turn things around.
What should your role be? Brene Brown talks in depth about how we should be there for the ones we love, not as someone to offer a pat on the back, but as someone who will lend an open ear and heart.
In simply being there for someone we allow them the space to map their way through their own struggles. And if they choose not to follow the easy path through their hard times we won’t be stuck carrying the burden of their not-so-ideal choices.
When we invest in people to the point of wanting to carry and fix their burdens for them we also continue to carry those burdens for as long as they linger in that person’s life. This is why being the problem fixer is like biting off more than you can chew.
What your friends and loved ones need from you is something you can give without it taking a heavy toll on your emotional wellbeing. That something is your presence. Of course, you can over-give in this area too, so give in loving moderation.
Let your loved one work through their struggles knowing that they have you as a part of their support system. When they finally choose happiness you’ll be happy you chose to let them find it for themselves.
Love to hear your comments on this below!!