Insecurities are another word for self-hate. As harsh as the word self-hate may sound, it best describes what goes on inside your mind when you’re insecure. What’s missing is self-love.
Getting past insecurities isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but it’s absolutely doable. Here are 5 beliefs that are feeding your insecurities. Remove these from your life and you’ll greatly diminish your triggers for feeling insecure.
You MUST please others.
When you have a lack of self-worth you go above and beyond to make everyone around you happy, yet neglect yourself. Your need for approval makes you do everything in your power to ensure that no one disapproves of you.
Learn to say “no.” Start by saying “no” to small things like someone asking “Would you like to save 10% by opening a credit card today?” It’s likely something you would have said “no” to anyway, but use this opportunity as good practice. Instead of saying “no” while digging through your purse or helping the bagger load your cart, acknowledge the moment and say “no” (or rather, “no thank you”) with confidence.
After you’ve mastered the little nos move on to bigger ones.
You don’t believe you are enough.
Do you feel unworthy? And when I say unworthy I mean of anything from a “Welcome home!” from your kids when you get home from work, to feeling unworthy of an apology from an estranged relative who hurt you deeply. Whether you feel unworthy of big or small things (which aren’t so small are they?) you’re struggling with feeling like you’re enough.
How do you build your self-worth? You start by changing your thoughts. The thought “I don’t deserve a raise at work. I didn’t do as good as I could have on my last presentation. People didn’t get excited about it.” feeds your feelings of unworthiness. Stop the negative self-talk in its tracks. No more!
You compare yourself to others.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” – Theodore Roosevelt
Stop focusing your thoughts on people who you believe are smarter, prettier, more popular, nicer, better off, etc. Your value isn’t diminished by other people’s value. You aren’t pretty, smart, nice, etc. only if other people have less of those qualities.
Stop spending time focusing on others. Removing yourself from situations where you want to make comparisons will help, but it won’t completely break your habit of comparing yourself to others. You must also get control of those thoughts.
You don’t believe you can do anything right.
Do you feel like you fall short at everything? When you focus on your mistakes you’re feeding your insecurities. There is no truth in the statement “I can’t do anything right.” No truth at all! Your belief that you’re inadequate is a lie.
The same way you would practice gratitude, spend time thinking about all of your accomplishments (big and small). Remind yourself about all of the times you succeeded. If you’re struggling at your job remember the moment you GOT the job. What an accomplishment that was! For every negative there is a positive, if you just look hard enough.
You treat others badly.
Have you ever heard the saying “Hurt people hurt people.”? Any negativity you feel towards yourself will eventually come out. No matter how bad it makes you feel later, you’ll treat people badly. It’s impossible to keep your insecurities bottled in forever. Eventually they will come out in the form of anger.
It’s time to treat yourself better so that you can in turn treat others better. Be kinder to yourself. Fill your life with positivity. Surround yourself with happy people. Cut out negative influences.